Halloween Death Match 2026: The White Witch vs. The Grand High Witch

Hello, Book Nerds! Welcome back to Reading Has Ruined My Life or welcome if you are new. As always, my name is Hannah and I am your captain on this journey into my bookcases.

Today is the day we have been waiting all year for. Today Halloween Death Match returns. Two new contestants are entering the ring and we will find out which witch is strongest, which witch will take the coveted Halloween Death Match crown. Please give a warm welcome to this year’s contestants: Jadis the White Witch and The Grand High Witch!

And please give a warm welcome back to my friends Amanda, Katie, and Frankie. You know them, you love them, I love them, and it’s time for a wacky conversation about two fictional characters to find out who will triumph in a fight to the death.

Like always, my friends have been provided a handy-dandy list of strengths and weaknesses both characters possess. Everyone knows this is a death match. Everyone’s prepared. Everyone’s ready. My friends know who will win between these two witches.

The rules are simple. Our two characters are in a Battle Royale style fight. Around the colosseum–yes, we’re back at the colosseum as is tradition at this point–are a few small, helpful objects that may aid our two competitors. The items could also be a hinderance; who knows. Fans have poured into the colosseum to watch the fight. Two famous children’s literature villains enter, only one may exit. This is the fight to the death. Each competitor has strengths and weaknesses that can help or hurt them in this competition. But who will win? Well…you’re about to find out!

Hannah: Welcome to the 6^th annual Halloween Death Match!

Amanda, Frankie, and Katie:…Woo.

Hannah: You all sound so enthused.

Amanda: Look, it’s been a hard life.

Katie: I’ve been sick.

Hannah: And Frankie died on us earlier, so we’re batting a thousand. Anyway, we have two witches competing tonight. The White Witch from The Chronicles of Narnia–

Amanda: Who’s going to win.

Hannah: –and The Grand High Witch from Roald Dahl’s The Witches.

Amanda: Who’s going to lose.

Hannah: Okay, Amanda has stated her beliefs. Amanda, why do you think the White Witch is going to win?

Amanda: I got three words for you: “The Deplorable Word.”

Hannah: Explain.

Amanda: Okay, in the book, The Magician’s Nephew, Digory and Polly are transported to this magical world called Charn. In it, they find a place that is devoid of life. Something happens, shenanigans ensue, and Digory rings this bell, even though Polly told him not to, and this awakens the White Witch known as Jadis. She’s super pretty and stuff, also very egotistical. She tells them that she was in a long line of royalty and she was in a civil war with her sister over who would rule. I guess in this world magic was a really big thing, so the White Witch, when she was about to lose the civil war with her sister, she uttered this spell known as “The Deplorable Word” which kills everybody! Except for the person who spoke it. It kinda just put her in this stasis sleep. And then she didn’t get woken up until Digory rang the bell. She then gets transported back to London with Digory and Polly and she recked havoc there. As Hannah wrote in the notes, she “fucked shit up.”

Katie: Didn’t know these books also took place in the real world, okay.

Amanda: Then these three get transported again, this time to like a black void, and it’s pitch black. There’s a lion’s roar which makes things bright. Aslan created Narnia in that second, and the White Witch was the evil incarnate in Narnia. And it’s said that she’s descended from Adam’s first wife Lilith and all this other stuff, which I think is neat. And the White Witch finds out her powers don’t work well in Narnia, in fact they don’t work at all, so she ran away. Then Aslan planted a tree, which she then eats an apple from the tree, is disgusted by said tree, it makes her miserable forever, but when the tree dies she then took over Narnia. And that’s how she became the White Witch we know from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and she ruled for a hundred years.

Katie: This is exactly like the Bible, it’s very convoluted.

Amanda: My thing is, we don’t know if in this world if her magic is back like it was in Charn. If it is, she could utter the Deplorable Word and then everything is off. She has a fail-safe!

Katie: You’re saying she has a tactical nuke and never uses it, instead she gets beat by several children?

Amanda: No, it doesn’t work in Narnia. But we don’t know if it works in the world that Hannah’s making up for this fight.

Hannah: We’re in Italy, we’re at the Colosseum, baby!

Amanda: Ok. We don’t know if the word works or not.

Hannah: So what you’re saying is there may be a nuke in play?

Amanda: Yeah, a potential nuke that I am betting on. On top of that, she has a lot of other stuff that’s kinda dope. She’s super strong, I’m thinking better than Bane strong. She’s a magic wielder, Hannah says she [the White Witch] knows the Dark Arts. Hannah also says the White Witch has been making her skills stronger. She’s been ruling in Narnia for a hundred years, but she’s been there for like a thousand. For 900 years all she did was make herself strong enough to fuck up Aslan, and she did kill him. He just came back to life…so…

Katie: You can’t kill Lion Jesus.

Amanda: The White Witch also can’t die of old age due to the fruit she ate. And she is quite good at combat as she fought with her sister. Plus Tilda Swinton did a great job with the combat in the film. She also helped me realize I was gay, so thank you, Tilda Swinton, I appreciate you. And I understand why Edmund betrayed everyone for you.

Frankie: To be fair to the killing Aslan part, Aslan sacrificed himself.

Amanda: Yeah, because he knew about a prophecy.

Frankie: Yeah, she didn’t best him in combat or anything. He sacrificed himself, he let himself die.

Amanda: She still gets to say she killed Lion Jesus! Anyway, she’s good with magic and this lady, The Grand High Witch or whatever, this lady that Anne Hathaway played–

Hannah: Excuse me, excuse me, we are going off of the 90’s version with Anjelica Huston!

Amanda: I was just going to say that Anne Hathaway simply doesn’t compare.

Hannah: Okay good.

Amanda: This woman [The Grand High Witch] isn’t immune to magic or potions. In fact, her downfall is she’s turned into a mouse by her own potion and then got got.

Frankie: The White Witch also isn’t immune to magic and potions.

Amanda: Still, she [the White Witch] has been practicing magic for thousands of years. How old is the Grand High Witch?

Hannah: That is an unknown.

Frankie: According to Hannah, the Grand High Witch is the most evil woman in the world.

Amanda: I don’t buy it.

Hannah: She is a sadistic child murderer who was supposedly created by the Devil himself.

Amanda: I would like to point out that the White Witch also murdered children.

Hannah: Yeah, so this a very equal fight.

Amanda: I feel like I’ve made my case. The White Witch has been practicing magic for a very long time. She may have a nuke, we don’t know if it will work in our world or not. She's good at sword fighting, something I don’t see in the Grand High Witch’s strengths. Sure, the Grand High Witch could create some sort of potion, but I don’t think the White Witch would drink it

Hannah: These are both magic wielders, this is a magic battle.

Amanda: And the one who has been practicing for thousands of years would be better. And who also is the original evil, and who was evil enough to kill all of her own people simply because she was losing. She killed an entire civilization!

Katie: Aren’t they technically both the most evil per their universe?

Hannah: Yes.

Katie: I don’t know enough about the Grand High Witch. I never read the book she’s from. For me, this is like going to the racetrack. I know who Seabiscuit is, but I don’t know who Joe Schmo Dippy Doopy is so why would I bet on someone I don’t know.

Frankie: What do you mean you don’t know who my favorite horse Joe Schmo Dippy Doopy is?!

Frankie: The White Witch may have a bit of a problem though.

Amanda: Why? What’s the problem? Is it the laser eyes?

Frankie: I wasn’t going to talk about the laser eyes, but that is cool as shit.

Amanda: Okay, what’s your problem, my guy?

Frankie: She [the White Witch] might be too arrogant. She might overlook the Grand High Witch.

Amanda: Nah, she [the White Witch] is too intelligent for that.

Frankie: One of her weaknesses is “narcissistic and prideful, believes no one is her equal, a true megalomaniac.”

Amanda: Whatever. Look, the Grand High Witch thinks pretty highly of herself, too.

Frankie: Yeah, but that’s not one of her weaknesses. I’m going off of Hannah’s notes.

Katie: I don’t know, that tactical nuke is kinda compelling.

Amanda: Thank you, Katie!

Katie: I think this may come down to whoever can sway me to their side seeing as Amanda and Frankie are on opposite sides.

Frankie: Oh, we’re not on opposite sides. I am on the side of the White Witch. I’m just trying to make it a little interesting. But I think the White Witch will crush the Grand High Witch.

Amanda: It’s hard to beat a nuke.

Frankie: I’m not even thinking about the nuke. Take the nuke away.

Katie: Yeah, we don’t know 100% if it will work.

Frankie: Yeah, we don’t need to be wasting time with her sitting there saying words.

Amanda: It’s one word.

Frankie: But we don’t know what the word it. It could be a long word.

Katie: It’s obviously “Joe Schmoo Dippy Doopy.”

All: laughs

Frankie: Well we’ve learned the word doesn’t work in this world.

Amanda: So we’re taking away the nuke.

Hannah: There is no nuke, we’re not destroying the Earth.

Frankie: Taking away the nuke truly does nothing. She has so many magic abilities. Yes, the Grand High Witch has laser eyes, which is undoubtedly cool, much cooler than anything the White Witch has going on.

Amanda: She [the Grand High Witch] does have a cat, a black cat, and I am partial to black cats.

Frankie: And she can stretch her arms, which is very cool.

Amanda: Okay Mr. Fantastic.

Frankie: But, but, she can combine that with her laser eyes and hold you in place. Then, BAM, you’re dead.

Amanda: But it’s not really me that she grabbed cause I’m a bolder, cause I’m the White Witch and can cast illusions.

Frankie: This is why I’m Team White Witch. Not only does she have insane magic abilities, she has fast reflexes and is good with a sword. We don’t know the physical capabilities of the Grand High Witch. She seems like someone who only depends on her magic. All the Grand High Witch has going for her is her leadership skills, but this is a one-on-one fight. Sure, she’s knowledgeable on potions, that’s great, but unless those potions can be turned into a gaseous form and still work, they don’t really help. It really is that the White Witch is so much stronger physically and magically. It feels almost impossible to beat her.

Hannah: You don’t think that the Grand High Witch is sneaky enough to get her fellow witches into the arena to help her?

Frankie: Oooohhh, I didn’t think about this.

Amanda: I guess she could disguise them as mice, but I feel like the White Witch can take down multiple witches at once.

Katie: Wait, how did the Grand High Witch get beaten in the book? Did she also get taken out by a bunch of children?

Hannah: She gets turned into a mouse by the protagonist, who is a child.

Amanda: And his grandmother who is an enemy of the Grand High Witch cause she was a Witch Hunter.

Katie: But did he have an army?

Amanda: Of kids, I think.

Katie: Did he have an actual ass army like they did in Narnia to defeat the White Witch?

Amanda: No, he just had friends. Who were children.

Katie: So they both lost to children.

Amanda: To be fair, the White Witch got her throat ripped out by Aslan. She lost to a lion.

Katie: A lion who is Jesus.

Amanda: She lost to Lion Jesus. The Grand High Witch straight up lost to children.

Katie: I really don’t think the Grand High Witch can compete here.

Frankie: Now here’s a question, are her [the Grand High Witch] witchy friends as strong as she is?

Amanda: She is the strongest witch as she’s the Grand High Witch.

Hannah: They are strong, but she’s stronger. Like she’s a step above them on the power scale.

Katie: So I found a list of the Grand High Witch’s crimes, let’s compare them to the White Witch’s crimes.

Hannah: I can tell you right now, the White Witch did commit genocide. The Grand High Witch only did an attempted genocide.

Katie: The White Witch has a lot more crimes.

Frankie: Let’s see, the Grand High Witch has committed malefic, infanticide, is a mass child murderer, kidnapping, torture, conspiracy, terrorism, animal cruelty, child endangerment, attempted genocide, forced transformation, and fraud. I said fraud last deliberately cause it’s funnier that way. The White Witch, she has committed omnicide, countrywide domination, malefic, abuse of power, physical and psychological abuse, mass murder, animal cruelty, child endangerment, assault, torture, kidnapping, enslavement, unlawful imprisonment, usurpation, terrorism, corruption, conspiracy, deception, sorcery, war crimes, and theft.

Katie: I’m thinking the White Witch is the more eviler, more powerful of the two.

Frankie: Eviler doesn’t mean more powerful.

Katie: Doesn’t matter, the Grand High Witch is still losing.

Amanda: Yeah, I don’t think she can win.

Katie: It’ll be a tough fight, but…

Frankie: For sure.

Hannah: So how do you think the White Witch wins then?

Amanda: I think she’s going to win with a bunch of illusions. She’s going to make it so the Grand High Witch thinks she’s winning for a while, and then right as she goes to do the final spell, the White Witch breaks the illusion, taps the Grand High Witch on the shoulder like “surprise, bitch” and then stabs her.

Katie: What does the White Witch turn people into in the movie? Was it stone? Or ice?

Amanda: Stone.

Katie: I think she’ll just do that.

Amanda: Does that count as a win though? Cause if Aslan breathes on the statues they return to life.

Hannah: If she knocks the statue down and it breaks, then that counts as a win. There’s no coming back from being dismembered as a statue.

Frankie: I think it’s a close battle, but the White Witch wins.

Amanda: There’s not a universe where she doesn’t.

Katie: I think she needs to work for it, but she’s definitely winning.

Frankie: I do think the funniest way for this battle to end though is the Grand High Witch being able to grab the White Witch from a distance with her super stretchy arms, she begins to burn her with her laser eyes, and then the White Witch creates an illusion of a child. Since children smell like shit to the Grand High Witch, and this child smells so bad that the Grand High Witch can’t resist attacking the child. Thus the White Witch is able to cut off the Grand High Witch’s arms, turns her to stone, and breaks her head off.

Hannah: The end. With an unanimous decision, the White Witch is our 2026 Halloween Death Match winner!

Thank you for joining me and my friends today, Book Nerds. I do hope you enjoyed your time here as we celebrate the 6th annual Halloween Death Match. You never know what you’re going to get when you sign on for a Death Match. I had a wildly good time with this post and I hope you all did too. Once again, a huge thank you to my friends Amanda, Katie, and Frankie for helping me with this post. Please give them some love cause without them these Death Matches wouldn’t exist.

Speaking of Amanda and Frankie, they are my costars! The three of us host everyone’s favorite podcast Nothing to See Hear. You can listen to our show over on Spotify, YouTube, and Apple Podcasts. We talk Scooby-Doo, Disney, cryptids, ghosties, bad 90s wrestling, and gay vampires just to name a few things. We have the best time over there so go check it out. And Katie will be joining us on our 150th episode! Again, you can listen to the show on Spotify, YouTube, and Apple Podcasts. While you’re listening to Nothing to See Hear, go ahead and give Reading Has Ruined My Life a follow over on Instagram (@ReadingHasRuinedMyLife). I post there almost daily so come back often to revel in literary goodness. You can also follow the blog on Twitter and BlueSky (@RHRMLBlog).

With that, I shall bid you all adieu. I will see you all again next week with a new review.

Until then, stay safe, wash your hands, and read some good books for me.

See y'all then, bye!