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  • Writer's pictureHannah Zunic

What If A Drunk Person Explained Classic Literature?

Hello, Book Nerds! Welcome back to Reading Has Ruined My Life or welcome if you are new. As always, my name is Hannah and I am your captain on this journey into my bookcases.

Bears waving.
How's everyone doing today?

I have no new review for you today, booooo, but I still have something good. No, not good. Great. This is something great. I have a fun game. But I have a little backstory for ya first.

It was late one night, I was cold and wrapped in all my fluffy blankets. It could have been raining, or even snowing, either way it was far too cold and my dogs refused to cuddle with me. While I was trying to sleep, inspiration struck. Classic literature. We all know it. We love it. We hate it. But again, we all know it. So can you figure out what classics I’m talking about if I explain them poorly?

Below are five classics. I have written plot summaries for them all, and they lowkey sound like Drunk History stories. Sorry, the title is a bit of a lie because I wasn't drunk when I wrote this. Names of characters and major plot points have been changed so you can’t guess these classics based on names and events alone. The answers are after the Jeopardy gifs so guess before you get to them. Let me know in the comments which ones you were able to figure out. And with that, let’s get to it!

Let's get ready to rumble.
This isn't a Versus Match to the Death, but the vibes of this gif fit.

1. Once upon a time, there was a boy named Chet in love with a girl named Britney, but Britney dumped him. It was very, very sad. But then Chet went to a party. His friends forced him to, he didn’t want to go, but there he met Taylor and it was love at first sight. So Chet lowkey stalks Taylor after this fated night. But it’s ok cause Taylor’s into it. And Chet. Girl needs some help. At this point, our lovebirds have decided they want to be together so with the help of their friends they go to Vegas and get married. After the wedding, tragedy strikes and Chet avenges the murder of his bestie. Our boy goes to jail and Taylor and friends must come up with an escape plan. Shit doesn’t go right though, and Chet gets his wires crossed. You see, Taylor fakes her death while the rest of the group is busting Chet out of jail, but Chet thinks Taylor is actually dead and unalives himself. When Taylor finds out she too unalives herself.

Can you figure out what this classic is?

It’s Romeo and Juliet. This was an easy one. I’m starting you out slow. Getting you warmed up for what’s to come.

Book cover of Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare.

2. Once upon a time there was a Hot Bad Boy and his Gang who lived together. Hot Bad Boy and Gang built a lot stuff and contemplate starting a war with a rival gang. This is a book about gang wars by the way. They do start said war. And during said war, Hot Bad Boy disguises himself as Super-Hot Bad Boy to seduce the daughter of the rival gang’s leader; he succeeds. Ultimately, the daughter of the rival gang’s leader is disowned and sent away.

Name that classic!


It’s Paradise Lost, Book Nerds!

Book cover of Paradise Lost by John Milton.

3. Once upon a time, like a long, long time ago, the world needed feminism. So an author wrote some feminist self-insert fanfic. This author said Medusa was a victim and gave her a happily ever after in a city the author built herself.

Guess the classic!


It’s The Book of the City of Ladies by Christine de Pizan. Go research Christine de Pizan if you don't know who she is. I love her and she’s the medieval feminist queen the whole world should know about.

Christine de Pizan.
I love this woman more than words can describe.

4. Once upon a time, there was a dude name Bob. He decided he was going to do something so outrageous and magical and revolutionary that it was going to change the world. Except things didn’t go to plan and he ran away from his problems after a long nap. His problems followed him and shit hit the fan. Bob’s little brother was murdered and an innocent woman was sentenced to death because Bob wouldn’t speak up and prove her innocence. Bob’s adoptive sister turned wife also died at the hands of Bob’s problems. In order to fix things, Bob and his problems run away together and die.

Do you know what I’m talking about?


It’s Frankenstein. Did you guess right? How many have you gotten right this far?

Book cover of Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

5. Last one! Once upon a time, an author wrote some self-insert fanfic; this time, about religion and the afterlife. It spanned the course of three books.

Place your bets now as to what I’m talking about!


I’m talking about Dante’s Divine Comedy. If you’re a long term reader of RHRML this one may have been easy for you. I have a whole post on how Divine Comedy is self-insert fanfic. I’ll have that one linked down below.

The levels of hell according to Dante.

So tell me, how did everyone do? Leave your scores in the comments. If you got all five correct you get a high five.

I do hope you all enjoyed your time here today. Thanks for joining me. I loved writing today’s post so anticipate a sequel sometime in the future. For now, I must bid you all adieu.

Until next time, stay safe, wash your hands, and read some good books for me.

Bears waving.
See y'all next week, bye!


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